In this issue:

• This Week in Neo Tokyo: Bears Hosting a Skull-Fucking Festival (by DadFuture)

Oh, sweet merciful fuck, Citizens – if this week's market wasn't a full-on bukkake of despair, I don't know what is. Picture it: ALTs hemorrhaging like a chainsaw massacre victim, NFTs getting face-planted into oblivion, and every bagholder on Crypto Twitter clawing at their screens, howling "it's over" while their portfolio flatlines harder than a hooker OD'ing in a Glitch District back alley. Bears? Those smug, furry pricks are euphoric, circle-jerking in the gore-puddles of our liquidated fantasties, toasting with champagne poured from our cracked-open ribcages. Our Schadenfreude friend Flower’s got a boner that won't quit – that doom-scrolling oracle's cackling that ALT season's DOA, deader than a roadkill raccoon. And us? Straight-up capitulation mode, souls down-loading faster than an F1 Gamborghini.

But wait – plot twist, you masochistic flesh-sacks. Becker and Ellio, the prodigal sons of the blockchain apocalypse, slunk back to the Citadel like conquered warlords, to plant a flag on the smoldering corpse of crypto gaming and declare it fucked beyond resurrection.

Ellio even lobbed a reply at the Citadel’s undisputed worst citizen, the walking venereal disease who makes cockroaches look classy – except, irony's a bitch: he'd have no clue about the lil pimple 'cause he's been ghosting harder than Casper on bath salts.

Enter Firestorm, our unflappable arsonist-in-chief, dropping a gut-punch pep talk that hit like a Molotov cocktail to the nuts of negativity. Markets rough? Yeah, your altcoin's underwater and gasping, but the Citadel? That bastard's weathered four years of typhoons, market nukes, and every flavor of FUD under the digital sun. Neo Tokyo's your glitchy fortress, where randos morph into ride-or-die allies, deal-makers, and that one weirdo who becomes your go-to for midnight ramen runs.

We've torched 30K BYTES in those S1 ID infernos alone, tokenomics so viciously deflationary they'll suck the air out of any rebound like a black hole on steroids. And that's just the tip – teams across the sprawl are juggling a dozen more fireballs, because quitting…? That's for the weak-dicked dabblers. We're forged in this shit, Citizens. Citadel stands. We cook eternal.

Fast-forward to Thursday's Learn AI Live clusterfuck – or should I say, vibe-coding wet dream? Subcoder and Firestorm went full mad-scientist, hammering out dual mobile beasts for iOS and Android right there on the NT Twitch altar. No dev degree? No problem – these tools are so idiot-proof, even a mouth-breathing glue-eater could birth their fever-dream app for for the price of a Byte. This series? Pure alpha serum – five weeks deep now, recordings stacked like contraband in your VOD vault. Missed it? Crawl through the archives; your future self will throat-punch you for skipping.

Shibuya Mall, ever the tease, finally unveiled a merch bomb to mark our four-year blood oath – something so bespoke and savage it'll make your Citizen skin crawl with pride. Three more drops incubating; patience, you impatient fucks – greatness doesn't rush.

ByteStreet's playing 4D chess while the market plays Russian roulette. Post-first-raise autopsy: sifted 20 turds, 90% flushed for not sniffing right or jiving with investor vibes. Incoming ordinance: this week's community darling – a SportFi juggernaut with ByteStreet-only perks that'll make your risk-averse ass purr: 24-hour bailout clause, price slashed below the pleb round, fat TGE payout to grease the skids. Next up? Institutional heavyweight – infra bedrock with bulletproof basics, killer clauses, TradFi/gov muscle flexing like they've got something to prove. Drop sequence: Deal One intel hits this week, Two trails in its smoky wake. Market's a meat grinder? These are your flak jackets – flexible for flippers, ironclad for holders. Stay frosty, investors; the hunt's on.

Market Monday #149 rolled in like a hangover you can't puke out: dissecting the bear rampage (when's the mercy kill?), Flower's alt-season eulogy, Saylor's potential deck-chair shuffle on the Titanic, OpenSea's latest scam sandwich, privacy plays with ZEC and ASTER lighting up the shadows, and Pumpfun devolving into a feral meme orgy. Listen back if you dare – or don't; either way, the charts don't give a shit.

Friday's Unfungible Space #57 dove headfirst into the gaming gutter, hunting 100X ghosts amid the rubble: Legacy Web3io, GameGPT, Roach Racing Club, Planet X spilling guts on whether any diamond's buried in this dungheap. Spoiler: if it's out there, we'll sniff it like blood in the water.

And capping the carnage? NT Plays squads up Sunday for Battlefield REDSEC resurrection – Web3's napping, so we raid the normie trenches in this gratis, frenzy-fueled shooter that's snagging eyeballs like chum in a shark tank. Epic or Steam, zero entry fee, all Battlefield chaos minus the wallet rape. Link arms, vaporize virgins, meme the kills, and snag BYTES bounties if your aim's not ass. Free therapy, paid in glory.

Until next week, citizens.

All content from Neo Tokyo News is for entertainment purposes only, is not financial advice, and does not reflect the opinions of Neo Tokyo.

That’s it for our 123rd edition of the Neo Tokyo Newsletter. Be sure to subscribe and share with your friends so you don’t miss out on future content.

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